Choices
by PsychoticSax
Summary: Castle just can't be an underachiever, can he? He makes Kate Beckett fall in love with him, does "interesting" things in restaurants, and... oh, my! THAT certainly isn't summary appropriate! O.o This summary is far more humorous than the story. ;D
1. Notebook

**PsyichoticSax  
><strong>Choices_  
>For Manuxinhace's Challange<em>

* * *

><p>It played in her mind countless times. One broken sentence after the next, tumbling, falling – bouncing between them like a beach ball slowly running out of air. She needed to know what it all meant; she <em>needed<em> to know what was going on. What _were_ they? Where did they _stand_?

She grabbed an empty notebook and a pen off the coffee table and wrote down the entire conversation, leaving every sentence a page for itself; a page where she would explain everything under her own terms.

_Of course I don't want anything to happen to you._

She stared down at the first page, reading and rereading the line countless times. He _didn't_ want anything to happen to her – she knew that for a fact. But the real question was _why_. _Why_ didn't he want anything to happen to her? She knew the answer, deep down, hiding in the back of her mind, she knew. Without writing anything on the first page, she flipped to the next.

_I'm your partner – your friend._

_No_, she thought absentmindedly. _You're so much more_. They _were_ friends, and they _were_ partners. But they weren't _together_ – no, not like that, not yet, anyways. _Wannabe lovers_, she thought, and she cracked a small smile. It was something that Castle would probably say if he was there. _But he's not_.

_Is that what we are?_

_No,_ she wrote, writing in clear block letters. _No, we're not that simple. We're more; much, much more…_

_You know what?_

A short and semi-pointless sentence on Castle's behalf. _No,_ she signed, a little half-smile splayed on her face. _I don't._

_I don't know *what* we are._

_Neither do I_. It went down on the paper, as if she were actually having a conversation with him. However, she knew that it was a conversation that she would never – _could_ never – have with him. It would jeopardize everything if she did. _Everything._

_We kiss, and then we never talk about it._

_Because I *can't* talk about it, Castle_. She realized too late that she had written his name on the paper. She thought about crossing it out, pretending that she had never written it in the first place. She held the point of her pen over the _C_, ready to draw the line, but instead, she moved passed the word and continued writing. _It was too amazing for words, that kiss. I never thought something so simple could be so beautiful. Don't you remember the way I grabbed you? How I pulled you back in? How could *you* never talk about it? Never even try?_

_We nearly die frozen in each other's arms, but we don't talk about it._

She remembered. She remembered it _very_ well. _I came close, Castle. I came so close to telling you. Don't you know? I wanted you to know… I wanted you to know how much… how much I… I…_ Her pen stood frozen, unsure of where to move next. In her head, she debated it. _Write it? Don't write it?_ Her hand was as steady as a surgeon's, yet it was as useful as toy stick. _Castle, I love you. _She moved on.

_So no, I've got no clue what we are._

_Again, I don't, either, Castle… I don't, either…_

_I know I don't want to see you throw your life away!_

Her hand tensed up on the pen. She wanted to argue, to fight back. _It's a piece of paper, Kate – you can't argue with a piece of paper_. She slowly pressed the pen to the paper, and then she lifted it up. She put it back down, and this time, she began to write. _You don't know what throwing my life away would mean, Castle. There are a thousand things I could do to throw it away – drugs, murder, suicide – anything! This… this isn't throwing my life away. This is me trying to get my life *back*. Don't you get it? This as been consuming my life for twelve years now, Castle… I can't forget about because no matter what I do, it finds me. It finds a way to make me suffer time after time. If I don't get rid of it, nobody will. Nobody else *can*. _

_Well, last time I checked, it was *my* life – not your personal jungle gym!_

She wasn't really sure how to argue with herself – she had a good point. _It is my life, but… but I need you in it, Castle. It's not always going to be fun and games. I need you to be serious sometimes – to take *me* seriously sometimes… I know that it's not your forte, but please, Castle, you could at least… try? _She drew a line through the last sentence. _Really, Kate? Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. You don't need him._ But then a different though stuck her. _Yes. Yes, I do._

_And for the past three years, I've been running around with the school's funniest kid, and it's not enough!_

_I need you in my life, Castle. You keep me young; human. How can I argue with that?_ She touched the end of the pen to the corner of her mouth. How was she going to say it, exactly? There were many ways she could, but… would it make sense? Would _any_ of it make sense? _I need that, Castle, but… but not all the time. Well, yes, all the time, but… but… _She stared down at the paper. _Come on, Kate,_ she thought, shaking her head. _It's just paper. What do you have to be afraid of?_ She tried writing it out again. _In a career full of blood and gore, you show me the sunshine. And it's amazing and gorgeous, but not every day is sunny. Sometimes days are just cloudy, and you've got to accept it. And I know that you never will. Is that something that *I* have to accept? Is it just another one of those confusing relationship type things? We're not even in a relationship – not technically, no. But we act just like it, and now… Now I'm pouring my heart out to you on a piece of paper that you'll never read. A bunch of pieces of paper that you'll never read. _

_You know what?_

_What, Castle? What do you have to say that hasn't been said already? What can you possibly add to this conversation?_

_This isn't about your mother's case anymore – this is about you needing a place to hide._

_Kate Beckett doesn't hide from anything, Ricky Boy._ She stopped herself before she could write anymore. _Just get up. Make yourself some coffee. Take a break._ She set the journal down on her couch and stuck her pen in the spiral. She pulled her sweater back across her stomach, over her leg black leggings. Her tank top wasn't keeping her warm enough, but she didn't mind. She was going to make a pot of coffee anyways.

She grinded the beans and cleaned the filter; poured the water in and flipped the switch. While she was waiting, she grabbed a piece of celery from one of the drawers in the fridge. She chewed on it for a few seconds before she heard the knock on her door. Her first initial reaction was to drop the celery and reach for her gun, which was safely tucked into the back of her leggings.

"_Beckett? It's me – Castle."_

_It's alright, Kate,_ she told herself, trying to calm her raging heartbeat. _It's just Castle._ "Hold on!" she called, picking her celery stick off the counter. She dropped it in the trashcan on her way to the front door of her apartment. "Hey, Castle," she said, friendly smiling as he entered her house. "What are you doing here?"

"I just came here to make sure you were doing alright… is that coffee I smell?" he asked, sniffing around a bit. Beckett tried not to gawk or glare at the handsome man standing in her living room; it wasn't as if she wasn't used to pretending that she didn't find him attractive. Besides, she didn't need to be doing anything that would boost his ego.

"Yeah. I just… I couldn't sleep, so I thought I might as well stay up," she answered nervously. _What's with you, Kate? It's just Castle._ She pulled her sweater even tighter around, grateful to have something that she could knot her hands in.

"May I have some?"

"Um, yeah, just… Sit down, and I'll get you a cup. Just give it a minute." _Stop stuttering!_ Stuttering had been one of the most difficult things to over come when she was in training to be a detective. A murderer wouldn't take anyone seriously if they were stuttering and stumbling over every word, something Kate learned fairly soon in her career in the NYPD.

"Alright," he answered, walking slowly through her living area, staring up at the walls and things that inhabited them.

Kate awkwardly walked into the kitchen, relieved to have a brief distraction from Castle. What was she supposed to say to him, anyways? She wasn't even wearing shoes! And it wasn't as if she could talk about work. After everything with Montgomery and the shooting… And now Gates, her new bitch of a boss. Not to mention everything that she had just written… Kate's eyes suddenly widened as she realized something. _The notebook!_

On cue, she heard Castle's voice asking, "Hey, what's this? Working on a bestseller?"

"No, Castle, don't read that!" she called, dashing into the living room. She practically slipped on the linoleum of the kitchen floor, but she caught herself when she hit the cream colored carpet of the living room. Castle had already picked up the notebook, but she didn't know if he had read anything or not. _Please, Castle… put the notebook down._

"Relax, Beckett – it's not as if I haven't read through manuscripts before. It can't be that bad." He flipped through a few pages. She didn't know if he was still on a page with any words or not, but it wasn't a risk that she was willing to take. He couldn't read _anything_ in there. _Stupid, stupid, stupid…_

"Castle, seriously!" she said, diving after him. She ripped the notebook from his hands, surprising Castle and even surprising Beckett a bit. "I told you not to read it!" She felt like an overemotional teenage girl again, much to her annoyance. She held the closed notebook against her chest, hoping that it would magically just sink into her. "What did you read, Castle?"

"Nothin-"

"_What_ did you _read_?"

He sighed. _Easily defeated, Castle?_ she thought, but she shook it out. Now wasn't the time to be joking; in fact, it was the _worst_ time for her to be cracking jokes. "Page seven, line three," he said, holding a straight face. Kate flipped open the book and counted it out to page seven. She scrolled down to line three and read her worst nightmare coming true:

_Castle, I love you._

It was the only think written on line three.

"Did you mean it?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. _"Do_ you mean it?"

"I… I…" she started, but she couldn't find the words to finish it. _There has to be a way to win this,_ she thought. _There are always options – always. What can I do?_ She tried to run any possibilities through her head as fast as she could. _Talk to him? No, it's pointless – you'd fight. You don't want to fight, Kate, you just want to… *I* just want to… give in._ "Here," she said softly, barely even saying the word. She felt so unbelievably vulnerable; so unbelievably unlike herself. _Screw it,_ she thought, taking a deep breath. _He told me I could be happy. I'm going to be freaking happy._ "Read it. I'll bring you a cup of coffee. Then I'll go to my room. If you want to, come see me when you're done," she said, handing him the book. "Don't start until I'm in my room."

"Ok," he said, nodding.

"Ok," she responded, walking back to the kitchen. She didn't allow herself to think about what she had just done; she _did_ it. There. It was done. She was going to pour her heart out to him – on paper – and he was going to decide whether he was in or out. Besides, he was the one who said that he loved her _first_. He had to be in, right? _Right?_

She numbly poured two cups of coffee. She debated the merits of maybe slipping a little cyanide into Castle's. Only there were two problems with that: first, she would be thrown in prison for first degree murder – which she could handle. Second, she didn't have any cyanide. Besides, as a writer, Castle would most likely recognize the smell of bitter almonds before he took a sip. _Look what you've gotten yourself into now, Kate._

She walked back into the living room as calmly as she could. She handed Castle his cup, and the two of them stared at each other for a second. She saw Castle open his mouth a little, but then he closed it, as if he realized that whatever he was going to say was now no longer important. She gave him a small nod, and then she walked back to her bedroom, silently closing the door behind her. She wondered how long it would take for Castle to read the notebook. Probably not long, given how fast Castle could read, but still…

She set her coffee cup down on her bedside table, and she walked into her bathroom. She turned the sink on, letting the cold water rain for a few seconds before she splashed it onto her face. She didn't bother to use a washcloth – she just ran her hands under the water then brought them up to her face, covering it as if she needed to hide from something. Which, in a way, she did. _It's going to be alright_, she told herself, trying hard not to let her mind wander _too_ far. _It's all going to be alright. You deserve to be happy, Kate. You deserve it…_

She walked into her closet and pulled her sweater off, dropping it into the hamper in the corner. She pulled her tank up over her head, throwing it alongside her sweater. She slid out of her leggings, grabbing her gun and setting it in one of her bedside drawers. She opened one of her dresser drawers and looked for her fanciest lingerie set. She found a black lacy corset with little red bows, along with a matching black lace thong. She disregarded her basic underclothes for her fancier set. She threw on a robe over it. She turned off her closet lights and shut the door behind her, walking back into her bedroom. She sat on the bed, tussled her hair a little, and waited for Castle to open the door. _Because he *will* open the door, _she told herself. _He will_.

The door cracked open. "Kate?"

"Come in," she said, not moving from her pose. He walked in carefully, taking a careful look at Kate before fully stepping into the room. He shut the door behind him, still holding the notebook in his other hand. "I'm going to tell you something, Castle. I'm going to sit here and spill the rest of my heart out to you, and you're not going to say a word. When I'm done, you're going to make a choice. You're either going to stay, or you're going to go. Nod if you understand." Castle nodded. "Good. Let me start at the beginning. I have _never_ felt this way before. Not about anyone – _ever_. And I'm not going to lie – it scares the hell out of me, Castle. Because if I love you this much, I feel as if something's going to happen to you. You have to understand, Castle… Almost every I've ever cared about it gone now. My mom, Royce, Montgomery… Everyone. And I'm worried that _because_ I love you, something is going to go wrong. I don't want to be hurt, Castle. Not again. And if you're in, then you have to promise me… promise me something that you can't keep, Rick. _Promise_ me that you'll never leave me. You have to… you have to… _swear_ to me…" She felt the tears coming, but she held them back to the best of her abilities.

"Kate," he said, walking towards her. He took her hands in his and pulled her up to her feet. "I swear to you, no matter what, I will _never_ leave you… never."

"Ok, then," she said, pulling her face up, keeping in a sniffle. She managed as much dignity as she could in her growing happiness. "You're in?"

"I'm in – no matter _how_ deep it goes."

She smiled and nodded. "Alright." She pulled on the string of her robe, letting it fall open. She looked down, and then she looked up at him. She grabbed his hands and slid them under her robe and onto her waist, keeping eye contact with him the entire time.

"Kate… are you sure?"

"You promised me you'd stay, Castle. What do I have to be worried about?"

**FINE…**

**OR IS IT?**

**YOU DECIDE! **


	2. Chi Foo

When Kate thought back on it, it all had to be a huge mistake. She'd always had good judgment, and then someone came along and dropped Castle in her lap. What kind of cosmic evil _was_ it? What had she ever done to deserve someone as aggravating as Castle? At first, he was just annoying. Maybe someone that she might have had a Friday night fling with, but nothing more than that – certainly not someone she planned to work with for the next three years of her life. After that, Castle was just… fun. He was a good thing to have around, especially with a job that always dealt with murder. It was nice to have someone to talk to who wasn't constantly depressed; someone who came up with fascinating, albeit ridiculous, ideas; someone who looked for the silver lining instead of the dark clouds. And then – Kate wasn't exactly sure _when_ it happened, but it happened – she started looking _forward_ to seeing Castle. When she was alone, she would dream about being with him, all the while telling herself that it was just one little fantasy she could engage in.

And then fantasy turned into reality, and it suddenly became so much harder to control. Since she could finally have him, it felt like the urge to be with him was uncontrollable. Part of being a detective was being able to control her thoughts, feelings, and emotions based on what was appropriate for any given situation. _Not_ paying attention to those things was what got her in _the situation_ in the first place.

"So," Lanie said, taking a seat down in front of Beckett. She had a clipboard and a pen in hand, ready to write down Kate's statement. "Why don't you tell me the story – and start from the beginning."

"Why isn't Esposito taking my statement? Or Ryan?" Kate asked, partially unwilling to tell the story.

"Because I'm qualified, and I want it straight from the horse's mouth."

"I'm sure. Alright, well…" Kate said, taking in a deep breath. "It all started about a week ago…"

* * *

><p>"<em>Castle?" she asked, leaning back against his chest. His arms were wrapped around her, pulling her close to him. Their fingers were intertwined as they lay. In the background, Kate's television was on, playing a practically muted episode of Bones. <em>

"_Hmm?"_

"_We've been dating for three weeks now, and all we've done is have sex."_

"_Is that a bad thing?"_

"_Well… no, not really," she said, turning her head so that her forehead rested in the crook of his neck. "But dating isn't just sex, Castle. Aren't we supposed to be doing things together? Going on weekend vacations and having dinner together? Things like that."_

"_If you want to, I'll take you on an actual date," he said, kissing the top of her head. "Anything you want."_

"_Don't do it because I want you to, Castle. Do it because *you* want to." She sat up a little and turned around, bringing her hand up to his cheek. "I already told you – I've never felt this way about anyone before, Rick. I don't want to miss anything; I don't want our relationship to be based on sex at home and professionalism at work." _

"_Are you saying we should have sex at the precinct?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. _

"_No!" she insisted, smacking his arm. "I'm saying that we should have a little bit more restraint here and a little less at work. We're at two extremities, here, Rick. We need to find an equilibrium."_

"_You make it sound like we're talking about osmosis," he said, and she glared at him playfully. "But ok. How about Friday night? I'll take you out to a fancy restaurant, and we'll eat expensive foods and drink wine until we can't possibly eat and drink anymore." _

"_Alright. But no sex until Friday, than," she said, smirking at Castle. "Prove to me that you're committed."_

"_But it's only Tuesday!" he exclaimed, his face in what could have been considered a true fright. _

"_Well… that sounds like a personal problem."_

"_Am I allowed to squeeze your butt?"_

"_Once," she said, giving him one of her most serious mock-detective voices._

"_What about touching your boob?"_

"_You're pushing it."_

* * *

><p>"Ok," Lanie said, dropping her pen down on the clipboard. "So let me get this straight. You and Castle have been secretly dating for three weeks?"<p>

"Yes," she nodded, folding her hands in her lap.

"And you haven't _told_ me?"

Kate looked up at her, feeling more that just a little guilty about it. After all, next to Castle, Lanie _was_ her best friend. Beckett had never really _had_ many friends, not even when she was in school. There were very few people, discounting Maddy, that she ever trusted. Most of her time was spent dating whomever she could. She didn't so much as want a friend, rather, she just wanted company. "I didn't… I wasn't ready, yet," she said, hoping that Lanie would believe her. Because, frankly, it was the truth.

"Well why not? What is there to worry about, girl?"

"Why didn't you and Esposito tell us about your relationship outright?" Kate countered.

"Touché. Now please, continue with your story, Detective," Lanie said sarcastically.

* * *

><p>"<em>Chinese food, Castle?" she asked, hoping that Castle was kidding. "You got me all dressed up to take me to get Chinese food?"<em>

"_What? I thought it was your favorite."_

"_It *is* my favorite, but… what's the formal wear for?" She looked down at her strapless teal dress. She had a small black jacket on, along with a little black purse and five inch black heels. Her hair was done up in a elegant looking messy bun, leaving a few strands to fall and frame her face. _

"_We're going to a *fancy* Chinese restaurant," he said, offered her his tux-covered arm. "The kind where all the waiters and waitresses look like they belong from an authentic Chinese movie. They cook the food right in front of you, and they make fantastic shapes and designs with it! It's amazing!"_

"_I never knew Chinese food could be so… interesting," she said, keeping her elbow locked with his as they headed for the elevator._

* * *

><p>"Alright," Lanie said, still continuing to write down Kate's story. "Did Castle ever tell you the name of the restaurant?"<p>

"No. He didn't," she answered truthfully. "I wasn't aware of the name until we arrived at the restaurant."

"Had you ever been to the restaurant before?"

Beckett looked up at her questioningly. "No. As I said – I didn't know the name until we arrived."

"Sorry," Lanie said, still scribbling. "The mandatory questions are always the most obvious ones. Alright. You can continue now."

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>"<em>Here you go, my good man," Castle said, handing his keys – along with a hundred dollar bill – to the valet. "Take good care of her."<em>

"_I will, Sir!" the young man nodded eagerly. _

"_You really trust him with your Ferrari?" she asked, allowing him to escort her to the front door. _

"_Why not? It's what he gets paid for," Castle said, holding the door open so that she could walk through. _Chivalrous_, she thought. _

"_Meester Castle!" exclaimed a rather short Chinese man. "Welcome to Chi Foo! May I escort you to your table, Sir?" _

"_Why yes, Pong, you may," he said. Pong turned around, signaling for Castle and Beckett to follow. Beckett looking at him mysteriously for a second, but she just decided to ignore it. Castle had connections all over the city; she really shouldn't have been surprised. _

_Pong took them to a back room. The room had rather low lighting, helping to add to the romantic atmosphere. There was a band in the corner; a drummer, a pianist, a trumpeter, and a saxophonist. They were doing a rendition of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight?", one of Kate's favorite songs. She stood there for a second, wishing she could sing with words of the sax; can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings…_

_She quickly shook it out and resuming following Castle, who had momentarily stopped to look at her. "What?" she asked._

"_Nothing. You just look nice, that's all."_

"_Oh," she said, trying her best to conceal her blush. "Come on. We better catch up with Pong." She nodded forwards._

_They quickly followed in pursuit, finding themselves seated at the Grand Stove, a large stove with gold and brass crafted cabinets. "Oh, my…" Kate whispered, her eyes growing wide with every step they took closer. There were a variety of foods stacked on the counters near the stove and multiple Chinese chefs standing at attention, ready to go. "Wow, Castle," she said, tucking her dress under her so that she could take a seat at the booth. "This is amazing."_

"_Did I not tell you?" he asked, smiling. He took his seat down next to her just as Pong brought their menus. _

"_Please, enjoy," he said before he scurried off to somewhere else. _

"_This is nice," Beckett said, leaning on Castle's arm. She slipped her leg out of her shoe and rubbed it up and down his shin. "*Really* nice." _

_He looked at her with a mischievous grin. "Chef," he said, still keeping his eyes on Kate. "Fix us up a buffet. We'll have everything on the menu." _

"_I can't possibly eat that much," she whispered, so close to Castle's face that she could press a kiss to his jaw bone. "It'll take a while to make, won't it, Rick?" she asked, nudging his cheek with her nose. "Don't you think we should find something to keep us entertained in the mean time?" _

"_You don't want to watch the food preparation?" he asked, turning to face Beckett. _

"_I've got… better ways to keep us entertained," she assured, rising from her seat._

* * *

><p>"So this <em>entire<em> thing happened because you couldn't keep your cha-cha in your pants?" Lanie asked, confused. "Come on, Kate. I thought that out of the two of you Castle would be the one unable to keep his unit under control! What's up with you?"

Beckett took in a deep breath. How was she supposed to explain it? "Lanie… have you ever had sex that was _so_ amazing that you wanted to cry from the sheer pleasure of it? He's _never_ failed to give me un_believ_able please – not once. He lasts longer than any guy I've _ever_ been with. Now imagine not having this incredibly amazing sex for four days, and _tell_ me how you would feel."

"I'll be sure to tell Castle you said so," Lanie answered with a smirk. "Just… be careful here at work. If Gates catches you, the two of you are as good as gone."

* * *

><p>"<em>This room looks empty," Castle noted, stepping into it. He pulled Beckett in with him. The second the door closed behind her, they were on either other. The dimly lit room provided no distraction for them as Castle pressed her back against the wall. Her leg hiked up on his thigh, providing Castle with the perfect opportunity to slide his hand up the side of her dress. Beckett's fingers were tangled in his hair, keeping his face pressed against hers… "What's this?" Castle asked upon finding the gun holster around her thigh. "Worried I'll get too frisky?"<em>

"_Not at all," she said. She unclipped the gun from her leg and strutted over to the empty counter. She set the holster down and then hopped up on the counter. "Come on, Castle. Haven't you ever wanted to try it this way?"_

"_Who says I haven't?" he retorted, drawing closer to Kate again. _

"_I don't even want to know."_

* * *

><p>"And what happened after that?" Lanie asked, raising an eyebrow.<p>

"Well. I fell," Kate said as she started to twiddle her thumbs. "Backwards, that is. I fell behind the counter, and _that's_ when I found the body. It was just lying back there, motionless, like…" She tried to think of a good analogy, but there was really no way to describe finding a dead body. "Once second, I was ready to have sex, and the next, I wasn't. Anyways, I immediately told Castle, and he pulled out his phone and called Gates. She said that she'd be on her way, but in the mean time, I was to look for suspicious activity within the workers since I didn't have a time of death time frame. I clipped my holster back on, and Castle alerted Pong to the body. He evacuated the customers but asked the workers to stay. Way only got to questioning seven of them before you guys showed up to take our statements."

"Alright," Lanie said, clipping her pen to her clipboard. "I think this should clear you, but you know that if you don't want it to go through Gates I've got to submit it through Ryan _and_ Javier?"

"That's fine," Beckett said, taking a deep breath. "Besides, I'm sure they just got the full story from Castle."


	3. The Stick

Before entering, Detective Kate Beckett looked over the Greenbay Drugstore. The store was squeezed between two other buildings, just like most things in New York were. The walls were painted an ugly shade of cream, but the roof was a pretty shade of green, making for an overall cabin-in-the-woods type look. Big black letters with the store's name sat just under the roof, contrasting with the ugly cream. It seemed average enough, normal enough. She wasn't bound to run into anyone she knew here, but then again, when considering all the friends and family of victim's she'd met, Kate knew quite a lot of people.

_Stop making excuses, Kate_, she thought, folding her arms over her stomach, grabbing onto one of the folds her her long jacket. _Just get it over with. It takes five minutes._ _Five minutes…_ Too many things could happen in five minutes. People get killed; hearts get broken; dreams get stolen. Children color on walls; rabbits sneak under fences; songs are listened to. There are endless possibilities of what could happen in just five minutes. _Stop acting like Castle_, she warned herself, shaking her head clean. _Go in and get it. It's real life – short and sweet. It's not a mystery novel._

Before she could talk herself out of it, she entered the drug store. She tried not to pay attention to any of the people there, feeling that somehow, they were all judging her. _Conspiracy theories_, she thought, scanning through the isles. _No one is watching you_. With every passing day, she felt herself sinking more and more into Castle, like he was the ocean and she was drowning. Of course, every time she went down, she woke herself up and started swimming again, but _still_. There was no way Kate Beckett planned on losing herself to Castle. No, that would entertain him far too much. They were Castle and Beckett, and if she didn't hold up on the Beckett end of the deal, who would?

She found what she was looking for and casually tossed it into the shopping basket. She turned around quickly, hoping to get out of the drug store as soon as she could. Unfortunately, she ran into someone, knocking her basket empty. _Where is it? _was her first thought. "Sorry," she mumbled, looking up at the man she had bumped into. Even though she was off the market, she couldn't help but notice that he wasn't bad looking. In fact, had she been single, she would have thought that he was cute.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. I should have been looking where I was going," he muttered nervously. "Oh, look, I made you drop your thing." She heard him whisper, "_I'm such an idiot_," under his breath, but she choose to say nothing about it, instead choosing to say:

"No trouble – I'll get it," she said, quickly swooping down to grab it before he could see what it was. She dropped it back in the basket nonchalantly and nodded at him, throwing in a smile for good measure. "If you'll excuse me," she said, and she quickly skirted past him. _Thank God._She strode of to the counter, bought what she had come to buy, and left.

* * *

><p>Kate paced around her living, giving a blind glance to the bathroom door every few seconds. It was hard not to; her life was in the hands of a <em>stick<em>. A tiny little stick that anyone could buy at a cheap drugstore, which she had. This was _not_ the time. Six weeks. _Six weeks_. They'd barely been dating over a month. What the _hell_ where the odds? She'd been on the pill – or at least she _should_ have been, she never really fancied herself as someone who would need to take it when she wasn't in a relationship. She just _wasn't_ that kind of girl.

_Maybe I'm wrong_, she thought, and for the first time in her life, she hoped for it to be true. _Maybe I'm overthinking everything. Nothing's wrong. Everything is absolutely perfect_. Even as she thought it, she knew that it was a lie – a hopeless, underrated lie. Beckett sighed. Her phone rang.

"Beckett," she answered before bothering to check the caller I.D.

"It's Esposito. We've got a body."

"I'm on my way," she said, closing her phone. She grabbed her jacket and her purse, heading out of the room and not giving a second thought to the little stick as she did. Murder waited for no man.

* * *

><p>Kate walked onto the crime scene fully confident. They didn't need to know about her suspicions; <em>no one<em> needed to know. After all, they were just that – suspicions and nothing more. "Alright," she asked, squatting down next to the body. She was a young girl, maybe as old as Alexis. She had long chestnut locks on her head, matched with pale freckled skin. "What have we got?"

"Well, she's female, approximately seventeen years of age –" Lanie started, only to be interrupted by Castle, who had been thoroughly studying the girl.

"Alexis is seventeen years of age," Castle said, suddenly looking up at Kate. They shared a look for a moment, but Beckett quickly looked away.

"She's _not _Alexis, Castle. Her name is Clara Davis. She's a student at Lawrence Dale High School," Lanie replied, slightly annoyed but understanding.

"How do you know?"

"Dog tag, Castle."

"Cause of death?" Kate asked, ignoring Castle's nervous dad routine. She understand; if she was Castle, she would have been worried out of her mind. _You're not Castle_, she told herself silently. She moved a piece of Clara's chestnut brown hair from her face. She looked so young – so innocent. It wasn't often that they were presented with a young victim. Most bodies under the age of twenty-one were sent to a different precinct. Kate couldn't help but wonder, _is it a sign? _

_No, of course it's not. You're getting symbolic, metaphorical._ She shook her head clear. _Still._

"Well, that's the thing, Detective… I'm not sure," Lanie said. "There are no marks that even _indicate_ cause of death. I'm going to have to get her back to the lab for this one; see if I can find traces of cyanide pills or fabric fragments in the throat or something along those lines. Until then… I'd recommend talking to the family. Find out who her friends are; who she likes, who she doesn't. I'll get back to you as soon as I can."

"Thanks, Lanie," Beckett said, nodding. "We'll be sure to get on it." The medical examiner nodded, signaling to some other people that it was safe for the body to be picked up and taken back to the precinct. Beckett walked out of the alley, hoping to get a breath of fresh air. She felt sorry for Clara; sorry for her _parents_. What could Clara have possibly gotten into to deserve this kind of punishment? _Nothing. Nothing deserves this kind of punishment._

"Whatcha thinking about?" Castle asked, coming up behind her. She smelled the light musk of his cologne, a smell that had become more than familiar throughout the years. It was intoxicating, really, the smell of Richard Castle. It wasn't anything like anything she had ever smelt before. It wasn't good or bad, it was just… the comforting scent of Castle.

She shrugged. "Mm. Nothing. Everything."

"You sound mysterious," he said, and she smiled. "I like it."

"Oh please, Castle," she said, and she started to walk forward again, Castle on her tail. "You're the mystery writer here. I'm perfectly happy being the cop."

"So you say, Detective," Castle taunted. "How about you and your cop happiness join me for dinner tonight. My place?"

"Perhaps," she said, a small smirk forming on her face.

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"You'll just have to wait and see, Castle. I thought you liked mysteries."  
><em><br>_

* * *

><p>Beckett got home as soon as she could. She knew that Lanie would contact her as soon as the cause of death was found. She had other pressing matters that she needed to attend to. She couldn't get the key in the door fast enough to unlock it. Her fingers were clumsy and slippery, something fairly abnormal for her. The second she got in the room, she tossed her purse onto her sofa and headed for the bathroom.<p>

_It'll all be alright, Kate,_ she thought. _Nothing will change._

She opened the bathroom door carefully, trying not to look at it until she had it in her hands. She took a deep breath. _Alright. It's a yes or no question. There's no middle ground. _Kate looked down. Her phone rang.

"I think I may have found the cause of death," Lanie said as Beckett entered the room. "Due to the lack of GABA function, you can tell that Clara was asleep when she she was killed, most likely with the aid of the sleeping pills I detected in her stomach." Lanie showed Beckett some sort of chart, most likely proving what she had just said.

"Any possibility of overdose?" Beckett asked, following Lanie to Clara's body. Beckett found that Lanie always pointed to the body when talking about it, probably just a habit she had developed.

"Nope. She had two – at the most. But that's not all I found. I also found this," she said, using a pair of tweezers to pluck something out of a petri dish. "Take a look at this."

Beckett squinted her eyes, carefully observing whatever Lanie was holding. "Is that… plastic?"

"Sure is. I'll send it to be tested for fingerprints," she said, setting the small piece of plastic back in the petri dish. "Take a look at this, Detective," she said, shining a light over Clara's mouth. "You can see light bruising. Whoever did this probably held it to her tightly – well, tightly enough for the plastic to rip. Plastic wrap isn't exactly durable."

"So… someone drugged her with _sleeping_ pills _and_ choked her with plastic wrap?" Beckett asked questioningly. It seemed fishy. Someone went to an awful lot of trouble to get Clara out of the way. _Why?_

"It appears so. Oh, and there's one more thing," Lanie said, walking over to a little screen-like thing with a black and white x-ray on it. "She was pregnant."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Castle?" Beckett asked as she leaned against him on the couch. He felt comfortable, warm – unlike anything else she'd gone through earlier in the day.<p>

"Yeah?"

"What… what do you think happened to Clara?" she said, automatically subbing what she was nervous about asking for something that was relevant to ask about. Besides, she was more than just a little curious about what would cause someone to have killed that poor girl. It was obviously planned, but Beckett just couldn't understand why. Her parents had sobbed hysterically when they heard the news, as expected. They preached about what a perfect child Clara was. Even her little brother was listing off all sorts of good qualities about her. Her friends couldn't believe it; Clara couldn't have been _killed_, they said – no, she was too wonderful to die.

"She probably got into some trouble that she couldn't get out of," Castle said nonchalantly, not really bothering to put much of a story behind it. Beckett could understand why; Clara and Alexis seemed to be fairly similar in a lot of ways. It made her uncomfortable just thinking about it; she couldn't imagine how Castle felt. She just tucked her head deeper into his chest and sighed.

"Maybe. Do you think it had anything to do with the pregnancy?" she broached carefully.

"Probably." She waited to hear more, but Castle didn't say anything else. Unusual, but not unexpected.

"Did you and Meredith ever plan on having another child?"

"What with the questions, Detective?" he asked, eying her suspiciously.

"I just… I don't know, Castle," she lied, cuddling closer to him. "The similarities between her and Alexis are making you sad. We both know Alexis is a good kid. She's fantastic. With her leaving and all, you're just worried and this is jostling you… I thought you might want to talk about it."

Castle didn't say anything for a moment. Kate worried that she had crossed some sort of line, but at the same time, she knew it had to be done. Castle and Alexis had such a beautiful relationship; if anything happened to it, Castle would be destroyed, and she couldn't stand to see that happen. "Kind of," he responded softly. "When Alexis was three, Meredith and I talked about it. Alexis was just so perfect and amazing, I thought that having another one of her would be wonderful… but I also knew that it wasn't probable. I got lucky to have Alexis the first time. I was worried that I wouldn't get so lucky the second time around; that I wouldn't be able to handle a child who was any less perfect. Meredith just didn't want another child. It was one of the _many_ reasons we divorced."

"Oh, Castle…" she whispered, pulling her head back a little bit. She cupped his cheek with her hand. "You're an amazing father. Don't you ever doubt it." She gave him a soft kiss and then pressed her forehead to head.

"Thank you, Kate," he said. "I needed that."

"Always," she responded, taking his hand in hers and kissing his knuckles. _Always._

* * *

><p><em>AN:_

_Awe! So touching! :') Anyways, I hope you liked it. I'm taking a class on child care, and I figured what better way to express it through Caskett goodness? I love Caskett, and I love babies, so… Caskett Babies seemed like the logical step to take. Don't worry – it's not going to be all fluffy. There will be scenes like the one above (which I love, by the way, so if you have one, post it or send it to me!), but there will also be some angst-y stuff. Romance stuff. Humor. You know – life in general. xD I hope you guys like it! _

_*NOTE: I'm going to Disney World with the marching band. :D So I probably won't be writing for a bit, because when I'm not having fun or marching, I'll be doing homework. *sigh* Depressing, isn't it? But I plan to watch Castle disks will my roommates are sleeping. Mwahaha. _

_P.S. – Look up the video "NomNomNomNom, Babies". It's so awesome._

_P.S.S. – SOMEONE (totally not me…. but me… xD) is looking for a beta… :D _

_Forever in Love with Caskett Babies,_

_-Sax-_


	4. Friends

Kate Beckett was jumpy. She couldn't seem to sit still in her chair, and everything she saw or heard was an excuse for her to leave. She tried to read a magazine, but she couldn't make herself focus on the words. She eventually got to the point where she was just pacing through the room, ignoring the stares of the other women.

Most of them had a husband or boyfriend with them. At least _somebody_. Kate didn't, and she felt like she was being judged for it. She could see one blonde woman who kept glaring at her disapprovingly, whispering things to her husband every now and then. Kate wanted to say something, but she knew better. She didn't know how long her rationalism would last in this state. Nine weeks – or so she assumed – and she was a mess. Her stomach pooched; her boobs hurt. She could barely keep herself from crying, which, out of everything, was probably the most frustrating. Morning sickness hadn't really been much of a problem. It came and went, but when it came, it was horrible.

She watched as a man came into the building with a rather petite looking woman. It was the same guy she had seen at the drugstore. Kate sighed. _Maybe he won't remember me_.

"Hey, aren't you the lady I saw at…?" _No such luck._

Kate smiled, even though she didn't feel like it. "Oh, yeah, hi. It's weird seeing you again," she said, shaking his hand. She shook the hand of who she assumed to be his girlfriend.

"I'm Jeff," he said, smiling. "And this is Sara, my girlfriend."

"Kate," she offered, hooking her thumbs into the belt loops of her jeans. They were a little tight, but nothing Kate couldn't deal with. From the corner of her eye, she saw the blonde woman whisper something else to her husband and shake her head again. Kate wanted to punch her.

It was awkwardly silent from there on out. Kate debated leaving once again, but before she could take a step for the door, another guy walked in. However, this guy wasn't with a woman. He looked shady. He had longish greasy hair and an unbuttoned plaid shirt over a dirty white t-shirt. His jeans were practically on his thighs. Kate studied him up and down, looking for signs of anything suspicious.

All in a second, she saw him whip out a gun and point it at the lady at the front desk, the one who had signed Kate in. The blonde woman screamed. "Give me all your money, bitch!"

"NYPD!" Kate called, pulling a gun from the back of her own jeans. The guy turned towards her for a second then ran out the door. "Stop!" she called, running after him. She ran through the door and looked left and right for any sign of the mysterious bastard. She caught brief sight of him to her left, and she ran after him. After years of this, she rarely noticed how people seemed to part for her.

The douche rounded a corner, and a second later, Kate did, too. But he was gone – nowhere in sight. She stopped running and looked around, carefully examining her surroundings. "NYPD, everybody freeze!" People did as she said, most of them looking scarred or annoyed. She walked through people, looking for any sign of movement or the guy. She saw nothing. Kate clicked the safety back on her gun and informed everyone that they could continue moving. She didn't have time to keep searching for him. _Damn._ She didn't really want to, either.

She strode back in the general direction of the building, wishing that she was able to turn away. She checked her watch; she still had about five minutes until her official appointment. She decided to walk back slowly, but still got there a few minutes early. The door chimed as she walked in, and she noticed the immediate tenseness that entered the room, only to be replaced by a round of applause.

"Thank you," the woman at the desk told her, nodding sincerely.

"No problem," Kate said, smiling graciously and walking back into the waiting area. The blonde woman moved to whisper something yet _again_, and Kate said, "If you've got something to say, Blondie, say it to my face," and sat down.

* * *

><p>"Alright, so Katherine –"<p>

"It's Kate," she said, sitting down in the chair. "Call me Kate."

"Alright," the ultrasound technician said, "So Kate. I need you to lie down. Unbutton your jeans and pull your shirt up over your stomach."

Kate nodded and lied back in the chair. It was fairly comfortable, but Kate still felt out of place. Her gun was poking at her rear, but she ignored it and unbuttoned her jeans. She pulled her shirt up and waited for the woman to come back. She wondered what she would find. Kate didn't know anything about pregnancy; hell, even saying the _word_ seemed awkward. Was she far along enough to hear the heart beat? To see anything? She didn't know. Kate had been reading up about it on the internet, and it said that eight weeks was a good time for a first ultrasound. She was bound to be _somewhere_ around that general area.

"This might be a little cold," the woman said, spreading a gel over Kate's stomach. "Is this your first pregnancy?"

Unsure, Kate nodded.

"Ah," she said, smiling. "The first one is always the most nerve wracking. Don't worry – if you need anything, you can always come back. Well, that's assuming that you plan to keep the baby."

Kate nodded. It wasn't an option; murder was murder, no matter how small the life. It was a prominent point that she had stood on for as long as she could remember; or rather, since her mother was killed. You never knew how important one life could be to somebody else.

She smiled. "Just ask for Celia."

"Is that you?" Kate asked, astonished at how cold the gel actually was. It was like stepping into a cold shower after exercising.

"Sure is. I'll be your health care provider. I'm certified as an ultrasound technician, a midwife, and a child care provider. I'll take good care of you."

"Thanks," Kate mumbled, watching as Celia started working on the ultrasound. Kate took in a deep breath, and Celia told her to breathe normally. Kate did, but with some difficulty.

"Here," Celia said, pointing to something on the screen. Kate couldn't identify it; it reminded her of the picture Lanie had shown her of Clara Davis's pregnancy. "This is the head and… oh!"

"What?" Kate asked, her stomach knotted in worry. "What is it?"

Celia smiled splendidly. "Twins!" she exclaimed, pointing to something else that was unrecognizable to Kate. "Here's the second head and the second body," she said excitedly, "and here's the head ad body of the first one." Kate's stomach twisted even tighter. _God, Castle_, she thought, biting her lip. _You just can't let anything be normal, can you?_

"Great," Kate said, another false smile pulling at the corner of her lips. "Wonderful."

"Would you like a picture?"

"Yes," Kate said, nodding tightly. "I would."

* * *

><p>Kate didn't want to go home. She wanted to go to the precinct, but she didn't. If she went to the precinct, she would see Castle, which would only serve as a reminder of what she had gotten herself into. She wanted to be distracted. She wanted a murder case that was almost impossible to solve. She <em>wanted<em> to be able to live life like she had been before she and Castle made it official. Sure, she _loved_ being official with Castle – but she just didn't know how much of the baggage she could carry before she tumbled over.

_Maybe I should talk to Lanie_, she thought, still heading in the direction of the precinct. She had always wondered why women told friends about pregnancy before their husband/boyfriend. It seemed like the sort of thing that should have been announced by both parents. _Don't judge a book by it's cover, Kate._Right.

"Oh, my God, Beckett!" Lanie screamed, giving Kate a big hug. Kate stood their awkwardly, not sure how to accept the hug. She was barely able to accept her _situation_, much less any connotations that went along with it. "This is amazing! Does Castle know?"

Kate shook her head. "No, he doesn't. And I want to keep it that way for a little bit. I just need to let it all soak in before I get Castle involved."

"Nervous?" Lanie asked, walked over to rarely seen couch in the corner of the room.

"When did you get this?" Beckett asked, ignoring the question.

"Had it for a while," she said, sitting down on the couch. She patted a spot next to her for Kate to sit down. Kate followed obediently. "Looking over murder doesn't have to be _completely_ uncomfortable."

Kate tried to smile.

"So, what's on your mind?"

She took a deep breath. She didn't know how she was going to explain it; it wasn't like there was a rulebook for these kinds of things. If there was, Kate would have bought it years ago. "I just… I don't know, Lanie," she started, tucking her legs up on the couch. "There's always been a small part of me that wanted children, but after what happened to my mother, I just… I buried it. I loved my mother, Lanie. She meant more to me than anything, and without her I was just… lost. I didn't know what to do, so I turned to detective work. I wanted to find the son of a bitch who did it – I still do. And I've been in the business so long that I just… I just don't know if I can risk it. I love solving murders and bringing justice to people just like me – people who've lost somebody in a horrible way. If I can give _them_ some retribution, I feel like I'll get it back one day. But with a _child_…? I wouldn't be _able_ to be fully dedicated to my job anymore. And I'd have a weakness. Castle is a big enough weakness; he always has been. When we first met, I would have been sad if he died, but… nothing much more than that, really. But after three years? If something happened to Castle, I would be _devastated_. I let him in without even knowing it. So going a step further – it didn't seem like such a big deal, not when I already cared. I tried not to, Lanie, believe me. I _tried_, but… He's Castle," she said, letting a small smile shine through. "It just wasn't possible. But now with this… _these_… it's worse. I'll have an unbelievable weakness. And anyone who wants me down will know it. That's a lot of people. Any one of them could try to get back at me by getting at them, Lanie. _Anyone_. And if something were to happen because of me…" Kate felt tears begin to pool up in her eyes. It was difficult to keep from crying, but she pressed on. She had said so much already; she needed to finish, for the sake of her sanity. "I'd be more than devastated. I wouldn't be able to function – ever. I just barely managed to pull myself up from my mom. I'd never manage being able to stand after a fall like that."

There was a momentary silence between the two of them. Kate bit her lip and held back tears for a moment, closing her eyes so that she didn't have to see anything. She hating pouring her heart out; as far as she was concerned, it was nearly pointless. It only made her sad, and sadness was a liability. But she needed somebody and for now, Castle just _couldn't_ be that somebody. Not now. "Kate," Lanie said, taking Beckett's hands in her own. "That's part of being a parent. You're _always_ going to be worried about your kids. You have a _reason_ to be worried – more than most moms. But you know what? You're Kate Beckett. You are Kate freaking Beckett. If _anyone_ had the determination and the strength to do this, it's you. You need to _tell _him. Everything. Tell him everything you just told me. You two are amazing together. If you can solve murders, I'm pretty sure you can take care of a couple of babies."

* * *

><p><em>AN:_

_Sorry about the pro-life moment! I don't mean to offend anybody! I happen to be pro-life, but I also kind of figured that Kate would be because of her homicide detective-ness. However, I could see her being pro-choice. Author's choice, I guess! (Yes, this IS a pun on the title. :D)_

_Anyways. :/ I hope you liked it! I didn't plan to come out with another chapter so quickly. Strike that. Actually, I finished t his before I left for Disney. I just didn't read over it until today. xD Bah. I've got homework and stuff… MARCHING BAND FESTIVAL IS IN ONE WEEK. :O I'm so nervous. My school has *27* YEARS of straight superior ratings. TWENTY-SEVEN. I'm worried we're not gonna make it. :/_

_I'm trying to figure out how Beckett should tell Castle. I've got some ideas, but not really any that are good for developing. Your ideas?_

_Forever Caskett Lover,_

_-Sax-_


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